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Not a real John

I'm a John (but not that type). I can't believe that people (especially redneck southern guys like me) refer to the bathroom, restroom, toilet, outhouse, shit can, etc etc as the 'John'. It's a disgrace (especially when your name is John).

Here are a few 'quickcam' capture photos. I was going to pick just one but I hate them all - so for now I'll leave em

Razorback fan1Razorback fan2
Razorback fan3
Razorback fan4Razorback fan5
Razorback fan6Razorback fan7

Okay for any smart ass that thinks I really look like a turd, let me promise you that I haven't seen a turd in years (To understand that statement you'll have to read the section named: 'My Middle Name is Diarrhea')

My stats stay about the same since I lost 30 pounds after the 'fat' period of my life. I'm 5' 10" 150-160 lbs depending on how many times I took a shit that day (P.S. This is the truth ... you'll understand later)

I have blue eyes and blond hair .. but it's more of a dirty light brown now ... after being a true cotton top when I was a kid and having very blonde hair until I was in my 40's. I have a white stache and keep wondering when my hair will change to the same color. I always looked a lot younger than my real age. This is still partial true ... now strangers can guess within a half dozen years of my real age (born: Dec 1943 .. you see if you can count that high .. I sure as hell can't.

Medical Brief (Omitting the two biggest)

I was born at the front of the baby boom when polio was common. So I was 'lucky' enough to get polio when I was a kid. It stunted my growth (mainly on the left side). This resulted in me having no tricep muscle in my left arm. Which sounds bad but it had a good 'side'. I was classified 4F when I was old enough for the draft. (This page is 'R' rated .. not X-rated .. or I would tell you what 4F really stands for :) The other diseases I have to put up with are covered in the 'IBD' section just to spread this boring crap out (okay it's all boring but I still divided the medical stuff over 3 sections.

I could get into my drinking years as they cover a lot of my life ... the short version is I was a Full time party guy (alcoholic) from time I was 18 until I stopped drinking at 38. Didn't stop smoking until I was 50 (a couple years after my mother died of lung cancer. My father died with bone cancer only 4 months before my mother. I had my second major surgery only a few months before all this and I almost died from blood clots after the surgery. So that was the worst 1.5 years of my life ... even worst than the car wreck that almost killed me and left me with some burn scars (27% of my body is now 'smooth' :)

Married Life (Live fast, loved hard, died in short time ;)

I was married when I was 23 to a fine girl. When people ask me what happened, I tell them she ran off with the postman, milkman, guy at work, guy next door, my best friend and some hobo down at the train yards. But the real reason she left me is a big mystery. I was the perfect husband. I came home about 3:30PM and took a nap on the couch. She got off work at 5PM and was asked to sneak in the house so she would not wake me up. (until supper was ready). Then after supper I didn't bother her while she washed the dishes. I was very nice about house cleaning - I insisted that she not clean the living (TV) room with the vacuum cleaner while I was home. I could go on but I was the perfect husband for the 60's - 70's - I did my job - I didn't let none of that women's lib stuff get in our house. Maybe someday just before I die, I can figure out why she wanted a divorce :)

I started dating again right away but made a promise that I'd never get married again. Out of all the women I dated (post marriage) - I had 3 real 'test' (that I managed to escape from :) One wanted a 'daddy' for her little girl (whom I loved like she was my own .. so that was a tough one), another 'bride in waiting' decided she loved me so much that she would rather get married than use her fellowship to LSU to get her masters. But I told her she would hate me later for stopping her from getting her masters ... strange thing is only one week later she decided she didn't love me after all ... wow was that a fast switch :) I'm not sure what the other one wanted ... she had two young kids and one 18 'army man' but she never gave me the impression she was just looking for a daddy. ... I guess she might have felt like she was in love. But I kept my promise and kept putting her off until she ran off with the same hobo from the train yard. All the others were relationships that lasted any where from one night to a couple of months (they figured me out faster I guess :)

I really only felt like I was in love with two girls in my life (and two others that were super close to 'love). I married one and I am still surprised it didn't last forever (for real - I really expect to be married to her forever). The other one that was true love was during my 'wild days' when I felt like I was God's gift to women. I was just too good for one women at that stage in my life (yeah right - but I just knew my shit didn't stink back then :) I could tell you stories about what a low life I was to her but then you would not believe me when I told you I was a perfect husband. Anyway enough rambling about my love life - I had plenty of good times ... lost count of the girls / ladies / old women that I met. And I can't remember the name of many of the one or two baggers that I woke up with the next morning. Not to mention the coyote or two I ran into during my drinking years :) Of course, I'm sure one (maybe two) of these 'ladies' wish they had a bags when they looked into my blood shot eyes. And I have long ago forgot the ones that treated me like dirty, I just figure I had it coming from some of my actions when I was a kid. What goes around comes around is still a good cliche :)

Work History (30 years)

I partied too much to finish college in 4 years .. long story short is I spend 7 years going to college part time ... partying full time and cutting many classes until I was a Junior. Then I got married and laid out for 2 years ... then went back and finished up the last 19 credit hours. That adds up to 10 years to get a 4 year degree from college and 10 year degree in how to be a fun drunk.

I got a BS degree in Chemistry but I hate Chemistry (just ended up with more hours because I was once a Pre-pharmacy major ... in fact I was accepted to Pharmacy school when they only took 100 students a year ... but I backed out because they wanted me to stop my drinking and partying to attend classes - no more cuts .. so I declined :).

I loved math (my minor) ... so I ended up with a job as an 'engineer' i.e. engineering job but no engineering degree ... a 'fake' engineer. I did end up going back to college part time to take Mechanical engineering courses but I never applied or tried to get full degree in engineering. These were the 'real learning' years because I only took courses that I loved - engineering / math courses. I did not have to take all those silly other courses (like English - which I hate to this day)

I had a good job that let me travel in USA with a few trips overseas (where I could sneak in a little vacation in London for example - after a boring job in Dubai (UAE) where I had to sit on an oil drill platform in the middle of the Persian Gulf). However, my IBD friend (see below) put a stop to that and I was stuck in a inside desk job next to the shit can (for the last 15 years of my job). I really loved to travel and this old hillbilly learned a lot about people in different parts of the world. When all is said and done, I was a technical service engineer for the majority of my life. Part of the time as a field representative working with engineers, contractors and installation crews. The last fifteen using this experience to help them over the telephone from my desk job. . (Sidebar: At least, I managed to keep my job despite many layoffs / cut backs ... IMHO ...It does pay to be organized but still work longer hours and harder than your peers .. you not only get more done ... it shows during review time for a layoff.)

Love of my Life

I was very lucky in my job, my boss liked computers and wanted our company to get into the micro computers age early. I got my first Apple II (before the IIe or II Plus) in the late 70's (before IBM even came out with a computer). Then in 1981, my boss talked them into getting a couple of the 'new' IBM XT's - one for me. I could go on and on ... short version is my company was buying me a new computer ever few years. Plus I was getting to learn programming .. writing engineering programs for our department (Research and Development). I always was an workaholic so I worked on computer mostly at night and on weekends. I loved it .... in mid 90's when I got my second home computer I became an internet junkie. BTW: www is not the internet and back when I started we used things like gopher:// ftp:// and databases like Archie, Jughead, ... So I was a computer nerd before most people knew what a PC was. And back before there was a www (which is only a part of the internet - but now the big 'part').

I could go on and on - about all the programs I've written but mainly each was so I could learn a new language. I've moved now to cgi / perl or php which are 'powerful' languages for web sites. I became a HTML expert (IMHO) long before people had heard of FP or Dreamweaver, etc. My point is that I write pure code and don't use any of those fancy HTML editors (they only confuse people that really want to learn HTML and the code they produce is worst than spaghetti code that I use to generate with Fortran IV (back in college days).

I currently only have 5 computers - I gave away a couple :) But this is my retirement so while other people spend their savings / retirement on dull things like travel. I surf the web or hack out some code for a web page. BTW: I never developed a 'creative gene' so I do pure code ... I don't design 'pretty' 'fancy' stuff - besides it just loads too slow on a web page anyWho :)

My site map will show you what a big nerd I still am ... no fancy pages just pure dull boring lessons / training pages. I also help people on ICQ (or other messenger software) when they are learning HTML, cgi/perl, etc. I've even become 'decent' at optimizing images because I believe in speed / efficiency. I hate huge slow loading image files. I also hate slow loading pages with music or java but I had a friend that talked me into putting up a couple of Java training pages.

Current projects are in MySQL and php (database work) but it's hard to learn when you don't have a real project. I may do a page for a business just to get the practice. I never get tired of learning about computers. Or I may do a 'real' shopping cart page but I don't really have anything to sell - unless it's my body. The potential customers for this fine product sure seem to be hiding.

History of IBD Domains

My first registered domain was ... IBDPrince because my last name is Prince. But my first 'live' domain was IBDGuy which I used to help people learn to use HTML on message boards. Then I finally made IBDPrince a live site (for people wanting to learn more complicated web stuff).

Now I have taken the plunge, started my own online business with Yep I have my own web hosting service now. I am trying to raise enough money to keep up with the increase in insurance cost. I don't want to work full time but so far it's really keeping me busy. I've only got a few customers but that is the way I want it. Besides I spend too much time sitting in the shit can to work too many hours a day :)

BTW: I have a ++Another Addition: a Neighborhood Association (NA) template page that will allow NA's to generate a complete website.

I stole the prefix (IBD) from a great message / support board for people with IBD. It's still the biggest and best IBD forum ( . BTW: it's not as nasty of a forum as it sounds - then again maybe it's worst - but in different way. IBD sucks has nothing to do with 'sucking' anything :) IBD is an acronym for Inflammatory Bowel Disease. So now you know my IBD domain names are really a secret way to say I have IBD. IBD is either Crohn's disease or UC. I have Crohn's disease.

Here is the IBD FAQ page in case you have an hour or two to waste ... reading about this disease. And I now provide free hosting for a site about kids with IBD - which is now converting to a Growing Up IBD site - which will follow the progress / problems as some of these kids grow up with IBD. BTW: I now donate space for Advocacy For Patients - owner is a fine 'legal' lady with crohn's - she helps other people with IBD (or other problems)

My Middle Name is Diarrhea

The short explanation of this disease is that you shit and shit and shit (until you just can't shit no more ... then you shit some more anyway). The word diarrhea is my middle name because I haven't seen a real turd in about 30 years. Of course, this also has it's good side, I shit so fast after some meals that I seldom gain weight. The other good thing is I never fart ... not that I couldn't but it's just that a fart from me is likely to run down my legs. So I have to 'squat' in the John oops I meant toilet to fart. The next time you hear anyone say they are shitting out their brains - chances are ... they have IBD. Okay - diarrhea of the brain tissue is not a real possibility - it still feels like I shit out my brains. But I guess I was already a dingbat before I found out about the IBD.

Now I have another 'nice' disease. I'm a Type II diabetic but I'm lucky. I had to go on a low (almost no) carb diet but I can eat all the meat I want. The lucky part is I'm stubborn when I make up my mind ... so after I decided to stick with the diet ... I lost 30 pounds ... and keep my glucose level within reasonable limits. I have to stick to the diet to control the diabetes because the other thing that helps a diabetic... is exercise. And I REFUSE to exercise (still stubborn :) The only exercise I get is using my fingers on the key board (see the love of my life section).

Poor But Happy Now

The good news about having IBD / CD (crohn's disease) is that I don't get out much - it's too risky - I've had too many messy accidents. So I became a hermit by time I was 38 which meant I didn't go places and spend money. So I saved enough so that I retired when I was only 52.5 years old (30 years on the job).

At one time, I had a great 'traveling' job. But too many messy accidents (including one on an airplane) made it necessary to take the inside desk job for 15 years. This essentially ended any chance I had for a major promotion so I was stuck in a middle managers job. Of course, I also was too honest to become a 'big executive' or a salesman. They 'stretch' the truth too many times. They don't call it lying - they just don't tell the whole story. To the point, that they sometimes forget to say 'we can't do that'. That turned out to be my job too many times. A salesman would just play dumb while getting the orders then someone had to tell the customer that 'we can't do that' (A main part of my job was to make chemical recommendations for the application). So I was labeled as 'Mr. Conservative'. I guess that's what you get for being too honest. I revealed the facts and didn't white wash things so I was never going to make it to the executive level. I've always been a 'state the facts' type guy and always will be honest .. my trademark and I'm proud of it. My boss understood when it was time for layoffs ... that somebody had to be the 'just say no' guy.

So retiring at such an early age meant I don't get much of my retirement (about 25% of what I would have gotten at age 62). The good news is that I saved enough to hold me until I reach SS age. Plus I have not touched my profit share which is still growing at a decent rate, So the current 'years' are the 'poor years'. In other words, I'll have more money / income when I reach 62. Of course, I had to make allowances. So I live a simple life in a middle class section of town (maybe lower middle class now). My little house is plenty big enough for me (with 1.5 bath so I don't have to run very far when I have the frequent trots).

I wish I could afford Astroturf cause it pisses me off that the yard is hard to mow (and it's only about 75' x 150' :) Then again my little three bedroom house also pisses me off when I clean it about every 10 or 12 months - sometimes it needs it sooner but that is like exercise - something I just don't do ... so I force myself to clean it at least once a year :)

Wrap up (more talk)

BTW: If you read this page all the way down to here, you need to get a life ... this is a short autobiography of an x-drunk, womanizer, low life who is hung up on how many times he shits a day. A guy that was (is) so sweet that he doesn't (can't) stand sugar any more.

I had (still have) a good life (sure wish I could live forever and not lose my mind ... or at least not lose anymore brain cells than I've lost so far ... dang those booze years).

My life had it's up and down cycles but hey ... that's life'.

Along the way, I've earned a rep for talking too much. But to be honest, I'm like a Dr. Jerkle and Mr. Hyde. I'm very shy when I first meet someone. I hate to talk in front of a group / give presentations, etc etc. But once you get me wound up - look out ... I can talk your ears off. This is especially true if you want to hear about computers, internet, etc.

I was always a nerd type ... a workaholic ... still am. But now it's spending 14 -16 hours a day connected to the internet (afraid I'll miss an email or instant message if I disconnect). Afraid some one will want my help and I'll miss my chance to 'teach' (talk).

I was married (not as long as I had figured) but learned I wasn't the marrying type. So I passed up other chances to get married again. (no regrets except on nights when my feet get cold and I don't have a 'hot' lady beside me in bed to warm my feet (or to tell me she has a headache :)

In a few years, I'll have money again and can buy a cabin on a lake (probably Lake Conway)> Then I'll sit on the water (in a boat with a port-a-potty). I forgot to mention I use to love to camp and there is only one thing that can pull me away from computers ... sitting on a lake somewhere is a 'perfect' way to end my life (in about another 50 years :) Besides my Baby brother, James already has a cabin on the water and I have to keep up :)

Update: I now only create web pages that 'validated' - I'm proud of fact I use (and teach) only pure valid code

Cabin Update: Well I'm turning 62 so I moved up the schedule and built my cabin on Lake Conway. It's really a 1000 ft addition to an existing small house but it's my dream cabin / house. I live in the 'new side which is only 2 room - 2 story. Second floor has kitchen and sleeping - and computer space - bottom level has game room (pool n shuffleboard) I could to on and on but main thing is I'm ON THE LAKE - my life is now going to end the way I want it. BTW: To my close friends - they know I still love to catch fish but I'd rather go take a shit then clean them (so I give them away :) :)

2006/2007 Update - no more paying clients for web hosting (too much work - cuts into fishing time) but I still give away sites for IBD such as Delete this part - out dated (as are several other sections I'm too lazy to 'fix'. Computer time is now only about 2-3 hours in evening - since I LOVE the lake so much I spend a lot of time sitting looking at the water instead of a computer screen (plus I work on building fish habitat / brush piles and other things that will make it easier to catch fish. BTW: I still give them away more than I 'clean them' (ugh :).

I could ramble on - but relaxing and enjoying my life on the lake is more important than being a 'rambling old man' (I'm getting younger - it's something in the Lake water :) :)
BTW: I stopped cutting my hair about 3 years ago so now it's shoulder length. Mainly cause I'm lazy but to be honest I grew up in the 'hippy' age and always had a secret desire to be a hippy with a pony tail - now I do and the fish don't mind (or judge) me at all :)

See 'My Life' Page

Since I don't have time to keep this page up to date - I made a new page that is "My Life" - it's mostly pictures and video/music showing My Life On Lake Conway - (but having trouble even keeping this new page updated :(

Updated: Sep 03, 2012
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